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Trillin Poem

A TRANSCRIPT: PHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN THE 9/11 COMMISSION AND THE WHITE HOUSE CONCERNING THE COMMISSION'S BLISTERING REPORT CARD ON HOW WELL ITS RECOMMENDATIONS HAVE BEEN FOLLOWED

COMMISSION:
So firemen can talk to cops,
You must provide a frequency.
The fact that this has not been done
Is government delinquency.

WHITE HOUSE:
Iraq is coming right along.
We're confident we'll win this war.
The way to honor lads we've lost
Is to stick it out (and lose some more).

COMMISSION:
Disaster funds are handed out
By pork, not risk, and, by the way,
The loose nukes that so worried us
Are getting looser every day.

WHITE HOUSE:
Our troops are making progress now,
And trained Iraqis have increased.
We win battles that we fight.
We've taken some towns twice at least.

COMMISSION:
Still, airfreight cargo goes unchecked,
And information goes unshared.
We told you then, we tell you now:
The USA is unprepared!

WHITE HOUSE:
Saddam--that evil, awful man--
Is captured, living in a cell.
Democracy will spread from there.
The Middle East will soon be swell.

COMMISSION:
We have to say, upon reflection,
There's something wrong with this connection.

--Calvin Trillan,
26 December 2005
A Heckuva Job